Learning to Acknowledge our Unattractive Habits

woman with magnifying glassWhen was the last time you were able to objectively see yourself–the good, the bad and even the ugly?  For most of us, acknowledging some of our less attractive habits and tendencies is not an easy process.  But, according to our friend Tina Lifford, it is a necessary one.  “One of life’s true accomplishments is to become self-observant and flexible enough to become who you most desire to be,” writes Tina in her latest blog.  “To get there requires that we all learn and commit to practicing inner fitness tools.”  Here’s an excerpt from her blog:


I remember the conversation that set me on the path to being more vulnerable. I was chatting on the phone with my friend Ehrich. We respected and trusted one another, and spoke almost daily.

I was talking something or probably more accurately, I was talking about someone when Ehrich said, “Tina you can be very judgmental.” He stated this in a matter of fact tone. I bristled at the unattractive comment. I immediately denied it. With lighting speed, I examined the statement looking for his judgment of me, so that I could win the argument by holding up the mirror of his own judgment and saying see. I could find no judgment of me in his comment. There was no malice in his voice. I detected no intended rejection or shaming of me. No need to be right. There was simply caring. My friend had no other motive but to care for me.

His neutral feedback cut through my then automatic tendency to justify and fight to be right. Without these weights anchoring the old me in place, I was able to objectively see myself. Ehrich was right. I was very judgmental.

Ehrich’s comment caused something extraordinary to happen. His non-judgmental yet honest engagement with me taught me to be non-judgmental yet honest with myself. By focusing on my inner fitness, I learned I had the ability to look at myself without needing to defend what I might see, or feel less than because of it. Instead, when it came to my unattractive habits or tendencies I could lovingly acknowledge them, and make the adjustments necessary to become who I wanted to be.

We all are a work in progress. If people you respect and trust to have your best interest give you feedback, listen. This is an act of healthy self-centeredness.


Click here to read the entire blog post.



image courtesy of flickr CC/Flood G.